I am a beingess, an am-ness, and this beingness is different from my body even though, in my experience, it is currently limited to my body

Last updated on 4 Jul. 2024

A note from my meditation session today (1 Jul. 2024):

In my past notes, I have referred to the core of my being as awareness-I. For example, see my post: Viewing Awareness-I as essence or part of God in my meditation and trying to dissolve or merge into God (experience oneness with God), https://ravisiyer.blogspot.com/2023/06/viewing-awareness-i-as-essence-or-part.html, June 2023.

In today's session, I felt that I could say that the core of my being is a beingness, an am-ness (like I-am-ness but I felt I should drop the I to better describe it and so am using the term am-ness).

[In the contents below, I am using the words 'mainly beingness' as in a state of 'only beingness', thoughts of the body are not there.]

While in that state of mainly beingness, when I choose to be aware of my body, I instinctively know that I am not the body. I don't think it is a belief. Yes, the teachings of scripture and of spiritual masters about Atma being separate from the body surely have had an impact on my mind. But in that state of 'mainly beingness', I felt that there is an instinctive knowledge in my beingness that I am not this body that I am choosing to be aware of at that moment of time.

[The following paragraph and some other later paragraph(s) have some content which seems to be repetitive but I decided to retain it as I was editing this post to make it more readable. I think even if some parts of it seem repetitive, there is some additional information that is being conveyed (e.g. 'clarity and confirmation'). I felt that retaining it will help in better expression of what is a difficult thing to express.]

I think spiritual teaching of Atma being separate from my body, has helped in a big way in my mind not dismissing my instinctive knowledge at the core of my being that I or my beingness is not my body and different from it. Perhaps without such spiritual teaching, I may not have tried to even get to, or experience clearly, the core of my being and then tap into such instinctive knowledge of the core of my being being different from my body. So this spiritual teaching of Atma being different from body (and mind) has been vital in my spiritual journey. It has provided clarity and confirmation about me being instinctively aware, while in the state of mainly beingness, that I am different from my body.

While in this 'mainly beingness' state, on choosing to be aware of it, I can feel the blood pulsating forward into the extremities of my hands, i.e. my fingers, and then receding back in a rhythmic way. I can feel my hands and my legs but I instinctively know that I am different from my hands and my legs and the blood pulsating through them, and that I will continue to exist even when my hands and legs and also the rest of my body including my head are not there (body has died).

I feel the beingness as being somewhere in the top part of my head but I also instinctively feel that this beingness, this I is different from my head and this beingness, this I will exist even when the head is not there. When I think about it, I do find it somewhat illogical as I feel my beingness being somewhere in the top part of my head. But that does not change my 'instinctively feeling' that my beingness, my am-ness will exist even when my head is not there. I simply don't have a logical explanation for it.

But I should also mention here that this beingness experience is currently limited to my body. I have not been able to go beyond my body in my meditation so far. So not only am I able to feel my body very quickly when I choose to be aware of it in such meditation sessions, but also if there is body sensory input like loud sound or bodily sensation like pain or discomfort of some kind, I become aware of it. So while I instinctively know that the core of my being is different from my body, I have not been able to free my beingness, my am-ness from my body and be 'out-of-my-body'. I am or my beingness, my am-ness is, very much limited to, constrained by or, seeking the reader's indulgence, trapped in, this body. And I continue to make some efforts in my meditation sessions, though much more limited time nowadays as compared to the past, to go beyond my body consciousness, to rise above my body consciousness.

During my meditation sessions, the 'Ravi S. Iyer personality' usually does not come into play. If I choose to bring it into play then that comes into play. In other words, switching the 'Ravi S. Iyer personality' on and off, during meditation sessions, is largely, if not wholly, within my control. And, of course, my beingness (core of my being) is different from the 'Ravi S. Iyer' personality. Further, instinctively I know that my beingness will exist even when the 'Ravi S. Iyer' personality gets over or disappears (body dies).  

I hope the following words don't seem weird. If so, I seek the reader's kind indulgence. I felt I should mention the words rather than not mention it.

What I desire to have is the ability to switch the body on and off, during meditation sessions, like I can switch the 'Ravi S. Iyer personality' on and off. In particular, I should be able to ignore, or rather be unaware of, bodily sensations (like loud noise or pain/discomfort) during meditation. That, for me, would be an awesome achievement 😊. 

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Given below are my comments from associated Facebook post:  https://www.facebook.com/ravi.s.iyer.7/posts/pfbid021FFgjZsxXxx5bPkH4KQ35zXJCVP2vNssUpQ4WmtDvBQeKNLFT3ptqFcJ6LbvqsCcl . To see the full exchange, please visit the Facebook post.

In response to a comment, I wrote (slightly edited):

Thanks for your view. May I ask if you are able to go into a trance where you are completely disconnected from your body and then after significant amount of time, get connected again to the body? Hindu scripture mentions rishis who would go into such trances. And then of course, literature of both Bhagavan Sri Shirdi Sai Baba and Bhagavan Sri Sathya Sai Baba, mentions them going into trance/out-of-body.

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In response to a comment, I wrote (slightly edited):

Fascinating! Thanks for sharing.

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